i am trying to break your heart

ok, only 13 years late to the party on this one.

I'll preface this review by letting y'all know that I watched this documentary two years ago, when I was hemorrhaging blood after having had surgery for cervical cancer. So I may have not been in the best of moods.

(And then for some reason, sat on this, and 26 other pieces that I'd written for the blog for two years? Maybe they were extra absorptive. Bloody awful puns. too much? heh.)

But I was going through a phase of watching music documentaries, and every music person I knew at the time was creaming themselves over Wilco and this movie, so, in an expansive moment (or maybe because I needed to hate watch something), I watched it.

I just don’t see what the big deal about Wilco is. Still don’t. I can’t bring myself to care enough to actually hate their music, I just find it kind of…bland. (and apparently I’m not pulling any punches today either)

So, I watched I Am Trying to Break Your Heart. And I can’t honestly say that I remember a single one of the songs from the movie. Although, I was impressed by the skill of the musicians and the care that they were actually putting into the craft of their songs. Entertainingly, I’ve gotta juxtapose this movie against Katy Perry’s Part of Me, where the care wasn’t put so much into the music but into the marketing. 

All of which brings to mind a line from Ani DiFranco’s Fuel (of course it does. because I was raised by feminists and came of age in the 90s.): people used to make records/ as in a record of an event/ the event of people playing music in a room/ now everything is cross-marketing/ its about sunglasses and shoes/ or guns and drugs/ you choose.

My lovely, ham-handed, comparison to Katy Perry aside, Wilco is definitely about making a record of the event of people playing music in a room, which I think is just a beautiful thing. Regardless of whether or not I actually like their music, it is a joy to watch people creating together, and employing their skills to make something that they love, and that touches a huge number of people that are not me.

Additionally, the struggles that the band had with their label really bring the whole marketing machine of the music business to the forefront, in a way that Katy Perry’s film doesn’t. Perry doesn’t want to bite the hand that feeds her. Wilco just wants to make the music that they want to make. It’s a fascinating take on what artistic integrity means in the internet age, methinks.

Also interesting are the various forms that each song went through in the movie, as compared to how they ended up on the album. I’ve been having a discussion with a friend about what actually constitutes a song, given that we’re frequently hearing the prototype, studio album, and the live versions of each. If a band like the Grateful Dead (or Wilco, to keep me back on track) plays a song differently every time they play it live, then what exactly is at the core of that piece of music that makes it recognizably itself? But this is definitely a thought for another post. 

However, one of the things that I found absolutely fascinating, is that none of the reviews of the movie that I’ve read (and thus far, 100% written by men), have mentioned what an absolute dick Jeff Tweedy is. Is it that there is an expectation that our so-called geniuses are always going to be utter assholes? Does he get a pass because these people love his music so much? Is it because men are writing it, and they’re used to seeing such dickishness put on display, so it becomes a standard mode of behavior - something not to be questioned? 

And don’t get me wrong, I’m not just calling out the portions of the movie where he and Bennett had a tiff out of some misplaced sympathy for Bennett (as he was acting like a whiny child). Tweedy just genuinely came off as a total asshat for most of the movie. All of which is why I generally tend not to read interviews or do a lot of background research on my favorite musicians, or meet them when I have the chance (although Shirley Manson of Garbage is a fucking awesome human, just for the record), because I don't want their music to be ruined for me by their assholery. (probably another post here too)

Fortunately, I was already meh on Wilco, so Tweedy's behavior didn't ruin jack shit for me. And, you know, it's always kind of entertaining to watch somebody make an ass out of themselves on screen, which probably accounts for the popularity of the Kardashians, Kanye West, and any reality show.