soft, safe & sanitized?

in which I have a good "these kids today" moment.

So, you may have heard, the Superbowl happened.

Apparently.

Honestly, I wouldn't have known that it had happened, except that it took place across the river from my city, and the meatheads wearing football jerseys who were in town for it made my commute hell for three days.

(and NYC is making their commute back home a living hell today, in kind repayment. Heh. Snow rocks sometimes)

This morning, after reading through the news, out of morbid curiosity, I clicked on the New York Times review of Bruno Mars halftime show. (also, I like Bruno Mars)

Photo from the New York Times

The review called him "harmless." It pointed out that the Red Hot Chili Peppers (who also played a set at the show) had lost their teeth (so to speak). I'm not sure I can disagree with either of those two statements, so amazingly enough, I'm not arguing with this review. For once.

But the last paragraph... dude. It basically called Mars out as the kind of ultimate American, "reinforcing the idea of the Super Bowl as an indomitable American institution."

Which, for a guy who once said that he had issues before he made it big because of his race, who comes from a Puerto Rican-Jewish-Filipino background...

It made my little American heart smile. Times have changed. And that makes me damn happy.

road trip music

in which I write about torturing my family with music for the duration of our drive.

So we’re on vacation. We drove from NYC to Cape Cod this past Friday, which meant I drove, which meant that I picked all the music for the trip, which meant that my poor family was completely tortured by my musical choices.

I love listening to music in different contexts, because I always end up hearing things that I’ve never noticed before, or getting to experience new emotions in the music. In the car, the music goes along with the scenery, keeps me awake, and gives my brain something to focus on, other than watching that double yellow slide by. I can think differently about the songs, experience them differently, and like them in a completely new way.

Plus, my main context for music listening is on headphones, either on the subway, which has a lot of background noise, or while walking through the streets of NYC, which, again, has background noise issues. So getting the chance to listen to music played through a sound system (however shitty) and with different things to look at is pretty central to my existence. And thought process. And my enjoyment of music itself.

I know it might sound weird, because these are the same songs, but I’m not the same person each time that I listen to them. There are fundamental shifts in my perception of, and interaction with, the music when I’m listening in different locations, times, and mental states.

Here is the playlist for the road trip (and yes, we only have a CD player, not an MP3 player, so we listened to actual albums. OMG. I know you thought nobody does that any more, but I do. Post on that forthcoming.):

1. Atlas Genius - When it Was Now. This album did not sound good in the slightest on my car’s craptacular sound system. Nor did it sound good with the windows open. (we don’t have AC). Terrible choice on my part. But I listened to it to the end. Bruce and I continued the trend of analyzing the band obsessively, although again, I feel bad because he’s only heard them live (with a crappy sound system) and in the car. 
2. Robin Thicke - Blurred Lines. Holds up surprisingly well in the car. I didn’t get too much negative feedback from the family. In fact, all of his albums hold up well with the car’s terrible speakers. Go figure.
3. Bruno Mars - Doo Wops & Hooligans AND Unorthodox Jukebox. I requested it, and the husband said, “Why do you hate me?” and then commented on Mars sounding quite a bit like MJ. He might have actually liked a couple of these songs.
4. LCD Soundsystem -Sound of Silver. I think this was a 55:55 minute endurance experiment for Bruce. Poor, poor man. While I absolutely adore this album, I will concede that it is not good car music, sounded terrible in the car, and I should probably have never played this for Bruce, despite the fact that he likes the song New York I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down. Also, listening to it in the car really made me realize exactly how much LCD Soundsystem stole from the Talking Heads. Which is cool, because the Talking Heads are awesome.
5. Los Amigos Invisibles - Repeat After Me. Bruce chose it, because he likes them (we’ve seen them live twice now). We listened to it until we pulled into the driveway on the Cape. Life was good. 

Bruce is driving us up to Provincetown on Wednesday, so he’ll be choosing the music then. He purchased a HUGE sleeve for CDs and packed music that he likes.

We have fairly divergent musical tastes (although we agree on some things, like Tom Petty’s awesomeness). This should be interesting. 

hallucinating bruno mars

in which I discover Bruno Mars as I’m hallucinating while waiting for a prescription in the shittiest Rite Aid in all of Astoria, NY.

Earlier this year, due to a perfect storm of dumbshit decisions, I got a kidney infection. Yay. So, after being diagnosed with said infection, my doctor submitted a prescription for some Cipro to the only drug store near my home subway stop, which was the aforementioned shitty Rite Aid. I walk in, and they say they never received my prescription, don’t give half a hairy shit about me or my prescription, and are generally the most unhelpful yatches ever to walk the planet.

Ah, New York.

I’m in a lot of pain. A LOT. I am exhausted from walking all over Manhattan and Astoria to get to and from my doctor’s office. I am not thinking clearly. The pharmacist tells me it is going to be more than an hour before they can even bother to call my doctor to ask about the Rx, much less fill my prescription. It is 3/4 of a mile from the pharmacy to my house, and I seriously doubt I’m going to make the walk once, much less three fucking times.

I start to cry. Because really, what is left to do in that particular situation?

A tiny, wizened elderly Greek cashier finally comes behind the counter and asks me what’s wrong. I manage to get it out, and she pats my hand, and sits me down on the waiting benches near the pharmacy, with a bunch of other tiny old Greek ladies who are all waiting for their meds. (or just hanging out. I couldn’t tell. There are Greek choruses hanging out all over Astoria for no discernible reason.)

At this point, I begin to hallucinate. Fun times, man, fun times.

So I’m leaning back against the cold, hard, plastic seat, trying to avoid putting pressure on my kidney, and close my eyes. The radio station that’s playing really shitacular contemporary pop songs songs over the PA system in the store suddenly begins playing what sounds like a Police song I’d never heard before. Which is weird, because I know all the Police songs backwards and forwards, even if I’m effing hallucinating. But it isn’t Sting singing on this track. It’s somebody who sounds kind of like Michael Jackson.

Now I KNOW I’m hallucinating. But I think maybe this whole kidney infection thing isn’t so bad, because, hallucinating MJ singing on a Police track? FUCK YEAH.

(side note: when I was 16, and having a series of brain MRIs done, I started hallucinating symphonies while in the machine. It rocked.)

I drift along with the song, and nearly cry again when it’s over, because it’s so beautiful. The DJ doesn’t announce it, and I have no idea what it is. The kindly Greek cashier apparently berates everyone at the pharmacy into taking care of me, so I leave shortly thereafter.

Forgetting everything about the song except for the guitar riff, I staggered home and collapsed into bed. Over the course of the next few days, I tried searching for it, and was further convinced that I’d been hallucinating, as I couldn’t find it. Of course, trying to search google for a guitar riff is pretty difficult.

Anyway, a while later, still recovering, I pulled up The Voiceon my computer, and watched some back episodes. (it’s a guilty pleasure. don’t judge) Lo and behold, on one of the battle rounds, two people duetted on the song. I immediately started doing mad google searches, and found out it was Bruno Mars’ songLocked out of Heaven.

I was surprised. I’d sort of known about Bruno Mars before, because of the songs Just the Way You Are and The Lazy Song both of which I thought were cute fluff, but didn’t really pay attention. I kind of vaguely clued in when he got arrested in Vegas for drug possession, and said that he wasn’t that type of guy (yeah, riiiight), but again, ignored, for whatever reason.

I immediately bought Unorthodox Jukebox, the album that the song is on, and put it on constant rotation. Love. Love, love love this album. Mars uses a bunch of different styles of music, and manages to blend them fairly seamlessly, with his excellent artistic vision. Almost every track is a standout, however, a few I can’t listen to because they’re so depressing. Like Young Girls and Money Make Her Smile. Mr. Mars, I do believe you is hanging out with the wrong wimmin. (yeah yeah, and you’re having a lot of fun doing so, but Jesus, dude…)

Other than Locked Out of Heaven my favorites are Treasure, a frothy 70s style pop throwback (and yes, baby squirrel is a sexy motherfucker), Gorilla, which is an excellent take on raw sex, and I LOVE his vocals on it (Love singing along with it, but seriously, an octave lower), Show Me, a fun reggae-ish song, and If I Knew, a 50s harmonizing throwback ballad, and just pure awesome.

Here’s the video for Treasure. They look like they’re having so much damn fun… This video was made possible through the purchase of approximately 1 kilo of cocaine: 

So yes, I highly recommend listening to this album, even when you’re not hallucinating. His other album, Doo Wops & Hooligans, (the one with the ultra fluffy songs on it) is pretty good too. Even has some exceedingly non-fluffy songs, like Liquor Store Blues, which makes me so happy to think about hordes of 13 year old girls listening to it after they got suckered in by Just the Way You Are. 

Man, this post would have been so much cooler if I’d been hallucinating for a good reason (like drugs). Or, you know, on purpose. Or something.